up to the minute...or not

Whoa. I just went 10 days without blogging. This may be the beginning of the end for this blog. But now I will point out something stupid that bugs me. Maybe that will revive the blogging juices.

I've mentioned that I like those google ads that appear across the top of the gmail screen. Sometimes you can find fun stuff. But then every now and then you get a sponsored link like this:

Cruise Ship Sinks www.washingtonpost.com - Cruise Ship Sinks Off Antarctica. Get Up to the Minute News Now!

Remember that cruise ship that sank off Antarctica? More than a year ago? That's what the link goes to. A news story dated November 24, 2007. Uhhhh...great work, washingtonpost.com. Way to be up-to-the-minute.

because it's a dog?

Weirdest search to get someone to my blog in the last month:
"Why my 2.5 month chihuahua doesn't like to put clothe on"

vanilla google

When gmail first came out, privacy advocates were all up in arms about how google was going to use the text of your e-mails to target ads to you. And I see their point, but google swore nobody was actually going to read your e-mail and I personally was willing to risk it for the awesomeness that is gmail.

It turns out, I actually like the gmail ads, especially the ones that run in one line across the top of the window. There are so many goofy small businesses that buy ads. I keep seeing one for a website that has nice-looking cheap peruvian yarn. (Of course, now that I *want* to find it, I can't. Trying all kinds of searches in my gmail. Perhaps the ads expired. I did get several other knitting ads. And this, which could be useful.)

Just now I was trying to find my notes from a story I wrote about vanilla, because I wanted to buy some vanilla beans and I couldn't remember the names of the online sellers my sources had recommended to me. I searched and searched and finally found them, but then they were both way more expensive than I wanted. But then I noticed this ad for a store at the top of the window and was like, hey, guess I can check there - and they had the best prices I'd seen. So I went for it. What the heck. I like the google ads, I might as well support the people who buy them. I hope the beans aren't bad.

P.S. Ha! I've blogged about this before! And now I know how to knit...and those recycled silk yarns are still beautiful....

-iers and -ants

Hey - someone from Estonia found my blog by googling "russian occupants out of georgia." Unfortunately, I don't think they stuck around long enough to learn that it should be "occupiers." (My original post.)

memories

Google maps is so fun! Here's a satellite view of one of the most obnoxiously beautiful places I've ever been. It's just ridiculous how pretty it is. (Am I right, J.Po?)

newfangled twittermacating

I know I keep saying I'm never going to take up [your new technology here] and then I give in and do it, but I really hope I never become a person who has to Twitter. In part because it's hard enough to keep up with my blog *and* maintain clever status messages in both gtalk and Facebook. But also because I'm sure I'd never be as amusing as Michelle. (You may know her because I keep linking to her hilarious blog.)

fun with google analytics

It's always fun to see what search terms bring people to the blog - I've gotten a number of hits in the last month from people trying to find prostitutes in and around Krakow. (And I can only hope that this post brings more such visits.) Guess what, folks? I have no idea how to find prostitutes around Krakow. In fact, my advice is that you should not be looking for prostitutes there or anywhere else.

You'd think they'd be disappointed when that search sent them to this blog, but one spent a little while looking around the site. Maybe he was impressed by my brilliant observations on Poland. Or maybe he thought I was just hiding the prostitute information really well.

mapping

This is why online mapping programs are kind of ridiculous:

6.	Turn left at Nebraska Ave NW	1.2 mi
7.	Slight right at Tenley Circle	223 ft
8.	Continue on Nebraska Ave NW	0.7 mi
9.	Slight right at Ward Circle NW	52 ft
10.	Slight left to stay on Ward Circle NW	308 ft
11.	Slight right at Nebraska Ave NW	0.5 mi
12.	Continue on Loughboro Rd NW	0.2 mi

Ohhh ok. So those six steps, if you're counting? All one road. I especially appreciate the part where it tells you to take a slight right at Ward Circle, go 52 feet, then take a slight left to *stay* on Ward Circle. Then 308 feet later, be sure to get back on Nebraska! Wow, thanks, Google! Gosh, what if I'd gone 58 feet on Ward Circle before turning left to stay on Ward Circle? That would have been disastrous!

useless ads

Every time I get an e-mail from Facebook telling me that N.Girl, who has a very Indian name, has written on my wall, this is the ad gmail shows me:


Hey! Google! She lives in Arlington! I don't need a ticket to India!

stimpera

Ok. My curiosity has gotten the best of me. Google tells me that I get visits every weekday from someone who finds me by searching for "stimpera." I would think that this was, in fact, our friend Stimpera, except that these visits come from here in my fair city, and not there on her fair island. Anyone care to shed some light?

Huh. On further analysis, I think that these visits actually come from *me.* But I don't find my own blog by searching for stimpera. I think somehow Google Analytics remembers that I once searched for stimpera (and learned that my blog comes up, which will be even more true now that I keep writing stimpera) and from then on, has attributed all my visits to the keyword stimpera. That's kind of annoying, don't you think?

google

Check out this one google search that'll get you to my blog:
andswers to face books traveler iq chalenge
Wow. Well, let's see. I can't give you the answers, but I can give you this advice: learn to spell.

analytics

Ok, now I'm a little embarrassed. I've had five visits in the last week from Helsinki, all looking at my blog posts about the finnish boys who came through town two years ago. Someone found me by googling the name of the choir, and either he's coming back for more or he shared the link with his friends. Well, either way, uh...hi! Your choir rocks! You should tour the U.S. again!

Speaking of analytics, I've decided google is definitely the best one.

subscriptions

You know how google has those little one-line ads at the top of the gmail window? And how gmail's thing is picking ads that relate to stuff in your e-mail? Well, I occasionally get messages from people at my former employer, particularly now that I am doing some freelance for them, and apparently my former employer is buying ads from google. I keep getting an ad offering a year's subscription for $15. Pretty good deal, eh? Too bad I don't want to subscribe to my old employer.

Which reminds me, the subscription price to my new employer (if purchased online) is also $15, and you (yes, you) should get a subscription. It's ludicrously cheap and it's the only way to read my stories - they aren't online.

recycled silk

Sometimes I click on the random ads that come up at the top of my Gmail messages. (Thus playing into Google's little trap, but what can ya do?) I like how some of them are from tiiiiny businesses. This one makes me wish I could knit. Isn't that silk beautiful??

google analytics

So I've just been messing around with the data google analytics will give me about the blog. Mostly I learned that people don't spend very long here, which - fair enough, the entries are quick reads. Also that a lot of people get here by googling "mellificent blog," and that if you google "eye pain" "green spot" headache, my blog is - unhelpfully - the first result.

But I also learned what level of detail I can get on visitors. For example, it has not only the name of my employer but a room number at my employer. Ok, it's not *my* room number. But still, that's kinda freaky. It lists J.Vo's employer, and EC's. I see that B.Nick drops in from work occasionally, and that Dahvay is responsible for 4.28 percent of my visits. (Hi, buddy! Your baby is way cute!) Or, ok, someone else who works at all these employers could be making repeated visits, but what are the chances?

I'm still kind of dissatisfied with google analytics on the whole, though - it's prettier than sitemeter, but it doesn't give me as much information. I'm kind of thinking about going back, despite the anonymous commenter's scary comments. Anyway, some blogs I (and probably you) visit regularly already use it, so we're already getting the dumb tracking cookies. Silly internet.

fun with sitemeter

So I finally last week got around to installing SiteMeter on my blog so I could find out, yknow, how many people read my blog (not very many) and where Sophist lives and stuff. (Ok, I don't really know where you live, but I do know where your ISP is based.) And so I could be like Grrrbear and report on the extremely strange google searches that bring people to my blog. Just now I found out that someone in Istanbul found me today by googling need friend stavanger roommate. Go ahead, try it. It gets you to my "friends" tag, which includes posts about my friend who lives near Stavanger, some mentions of roommates, and apparently the word "need." If anyone else stops by looking for the same, sorry - I can't help you find a roommate in Stavanger. But good luck!

google maps

Holy cow - I just got on google maps and discovered that they have Japan now - down to the level of buildings. This map actually has the apartment house where I lived my second year. (From the 7-11, go north, turn right, turn left at the entrance of the school, and it's the long building on the left labelled "Shimoda Heights.")

And look! Here's the apartment building where my family lived the first year! From the train station (red) walk northeast along the white road. It's the gray apartment building on the left after the empty lot.