I'm having a disastrously bad time at work these days. However, I am attempting to focus on the positives, which are: (1) I have not yet actually cried in front of anyone; (2) My boss claims to be confident that I can figure this stuff out; and (3) I have plenty of savings.
I feel bad when I complain about my job, like when celebrities complain about how tough their lives are. I know my job is technically considered a dream job, and yet a lot of days it just makes me feel incompetent and hopeless. I don't know if you've tried writing sparkling prose when you're feeling incompetent and hopeless, but let me advise you: It's not the best mindset to start with.
So, yeah, things aren't great right now. No reassurance necessary, it's ok - just tell me a joke in the comments! (Or you could leave links like this one.)
8 comments:
I've got jokes, but I also wanted you to know that Josie and I *always* look for you when the new issue comes. They're always what we read first (and, sometimes, the only thing we read. Sorry, rest of the staff!).
Q: What's green and has six wheels?
A: Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Q: Where can you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him.
This is my favorite kind of joke. Lengthen or shorten as you see fit, or to suit the amount of time you have -
My friend Jonathan adopted a puppy from Angel's Wish, a local rescue organization, about a year ago. The puppy was fluffy and fuzzy, like all puppies are, but Jon assumed he would grow out of it like most do.
On the contrary, as the puppy grew into a dog, his fluffy, fuzzy hair grew right along with him, and he was the shaggiest dog you've ever seen. People used to stop Jon on the street say that all the time - "Good lord, that's the shaggiest dog I've ever seen!" Hanging out with him was like traveling with a circus sideshow.
Finally, one day I said, "Jon, you've got a real opportunity for some local fame here. Let's get this shaggy dog of yours on the 9:00 news!"
So Jon and I took his dog to the local news station. Jon asked the receptionist, "Isn't this the shaggiest dog you've ever seen?!"
"Yes!" she replied, "Let's show it to the anchor right away!"
So me, Jon and the receptionist took the dog to the anchor. "Leigh Mills - isn't this the shaggiest dog you've ever seen?!"
"Yes!" she replied, "Let's show it to the station owner right away!"
So me, Jon, the receptionist and Leigh Mills took the dog to the station owner. "Isn't this the shaggiest dog you've ever seen?!"
"Yes!" he replied, "Let's show it to my friend Mayor Cieslewicz right away!"
So me, Jon, the receptionist, Leigh Mills and the station owner took the dog downtown to the Major's office. "Mayor Dave - isn't this the shaggiest dog you've ever seen?!"
"Yes!" he replied. "Let's show it to Representative Baldwin right away!"
So me, Jon, the receptionist, Leigh Mills, the station owner, and Mayor Cieslewicz flew the dog to Washington, DC. "Representative Baldwin - isn't this the shaggiest dog you've ever seen?!"
"Yes," she said, "Let's show it to Senator Feingold right away!"
So me, Jon, the receptionist, Leigh Mills, the station owner, Mayor Cieslewicz, and Represenative Baldwin took the dog over to Senator Feingold's office. "Russ - isn't this the shaggiest dog you've ever seen?!"
"Yes!" he replied, "We should show it to the president right away, even though I disagree strongly with his position on almost every issue!"
So me, Jon, the receptionist, Leigh Mills, the station owner, Mayor Cieslewicz, Represenative Baldwin, and Senator Feingold paraded over to the White House to show the dog to the president. "President Bush - isn't this the shaggiest dog you've ever seen?!"
"No."
(If you're going to say you don't get it, you're reading way, way, way too much into it. It's not a political joke, so feel free to replace the hierarchy with anyone. Local constable -> Queen, for example, or cub reporter -> Rupert Murdoch.)
Wow, multiple jokes! So far, J.Bro is the frontrunner for the Best Commenter Award! Yknow, I've heard of shaggy dog stories but I don't think I've ever actually seen one executed, so merci beaucoup for that. But the joke that was funniest? The first one. Six wheels. I lol'd.
Knock knock.
Smell mop.
Ha ha! You said smell my poo!
(I got it from a contestant on Top Chef. She told it to her daughter so I told it to mine. Then Little Miss got in trouble at summer camp for telling it. Oops!)
I just heard this joke and thought it might be the shortest joke ever:
"Pretentious? Moi?"
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